Not everyone must marry, you are not alone: My message for singles
When people are not married, they are viewed as people who are not responsible and ready to settle down.
In fact, marriage and wedding are so much exaggerated in form and words that you think something is wrong with you if you are not yet married.
As a matter of fact, a lot of people think that love equals marriage. All the sweet words, sacrifices, affection, passion, intimacy or sweetness of friendship have been placed at the centre of marriage.
So, if you are not married or you are a single parent, you think something is wrong with you. And that has made a lot of people worried. And with the sexual explosion, nothing seems to be better or sweeter than sex, which we say must be within the marriage vow.
We say behind every successful man is a woman, and same for every outstanding woman. We leave those not married under what and how they can be happy.
There are stigmatisations for people who are not married or do not have children. These labels are wrong and we have not got the information helpful.
True, marriage has its glories, but who says one cannot be happy, love and be loved and live fulfilled as a single?
I write today from that standpoint, and these things are true. For all the singles take note.
1. You Are Not Alone
The scripture in Genesis, where it was said that it was not good for a man to be alone, have been used out of context.
For God to say means that there was no other man, with Adam; all are animals.
Also, we must note that God did not create Eve for marriage, but for companionship and help. In fact, it was Adam who made Eve his wife.
As much as we say God instituted the marriage institution, I am yet to see where that happened. Don’t let anyone make you feel you are alone; look around, there are people. There are those who are married, but are still lonely and looking for that one satisfaction, that union of mind and soul.
2. We Need Friends
The Bible said in Proverbs 17 vs 17: “A friend loveth at all times.” That is what we need. If friendship does not lead to marriage, it is enough still as friendship. Why don’t we appreciate our friends?
I know a friend who said when he marries, his wife would be his best friend for life. And I was bothered. I asked him what the people in his life right now meant to him.
It is possible he is reserving his love for a person he hasn’t met. The love and affection of all the people around him right now means nothing until he finds the ‘Woman of his heart.’
What some persons do not know is that there are kinds of love. There is a love of a woman, which may not necessarily mean a wife, as it could be a mother or even sister or any other woman.
Then, there is brotherly love, there is a love for the law, our intellectual passion or love for arts or music.
We need a friend not bonded by any law, but love. Your spouse may be faithful to you, not because of love, but because of the vow of marriage made at the altar, which is not different from what you do when you enter a profession.
If you have good friends, be happy. One scripture that inspires this thought is in St John 13 vs 1, where it was said Jesus loved “His own,” which were in the world. He loved them to the very end. It wasn’t marriage that bonded them; it was love.
There are people that can love you, there are people given you to love. They are your world. Don’t be distressed and start running about looking for someone to say, “I love you and will marry you.” There are people around you already, those who love you, marriage or not.
Love is all that matters after all. If you are good with those around you now, you will be good with your spouse.
3. Not Everyone Will Marry
Sex is such a beautiful thing. But am afraid, we have turned the thirst to drunkenness. The desire is natural and okay, but we have made it intoxicating that we make most of our decisions around it.
The trouble in the world is that we are not content with what we have turned the thirst to drunkenness. The desire is natural and okay, but we have made it intoxicating that we make most of our decisions around it.
The trouble in the world is that we are not content with what we have right now or who we are right now. More so, not everyone will marry, whether we like it or not. We could go for deliverance and have prophecies and match-making and all of that, but there are still certain persons that are not wired for the marriage thing.
Sometimes, I wish we just know that we cannot have everything to be happy. The social system and structure of our culture is our doom. There is no room for those of us who are least or weak or poor. We put up labels on people who do not meet the social strata that earn respect.
Many people marry today because they feel they will miss sex. They have fantasised that marriage will be kissing in the morning, foreplay, hard thrusting at night, weekend outings and vacations where you make love all day. And the way it is been talked about, you think your life is reduced without it.
For some, it is children. They want to have children, and it must be within wedlock. If the children do not come, I wonder what will become of that marriage.
My advice is, if marriage comes, good. If it doesn’t come, it is equally good. Never think you must marry to ever be happy or achieve all your goals.
4. Don’t Be In Hurry
Marriage will come, but be happy. Don’t ever believe that you must marry a particular person to be fulfilled. Yes, there are special persons, we know it when we meet them, but be sure. We should marry the mind of a person.
The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Anyone can love you, but the quality of the person, the way the person thinks and the persuasions of that person’s life is what makes the person.
Be careful who you commit your whole life to. Feelings fade! Don’t let anyone use any manipulation to woo your heart and make you slave to passion that are passive and temporal. Don’t be bound to the dictates of a wrong heart.
Someone may love you with all his or her heart, but if that heart is dark, dangerous and deceitful, that will be the colour of the love you will have from it. Take your time.
The heart is hidden behind smiles, gifts, gestures and courtesies. If you want to be happy, wait. God is the one who made the heart, He will send love and friends to you. He made you come through parents you didn’t choose, He will bring the right persons along the way.